My conflicted friend

He is the only person I know who is bisexual. He is an Australian guy I met online and Skyped to for a few months.

Soon after talking to him, he expressed many concerns about being exposed to his family, who are religious. He would say that if any of them found out “what he got up to, everything would fall apart.” He stated he would be excommunicated from his family church. He often could not engage in his lifestyle for fear of being outed for either bisexuality or his ten years of involvement in BDSM. If there was any conflict, he would always opt for the straight and vanilla side of his life.

He kept close ties with his religious family and with his friends, but all with a front. He saw his family every Sunday, driving a good distance to do so. I wondered often, with the obvious amount of love he had for them, and the closeness they had, why something as basic and natural as sexuality had to be such a hurdle. So ridiculous. I wondered what they may have said to him or in front of him about sexuality that made him certain he could not tell them.

He stated a couple of his friends seemed to suspect he was bisexual. But most thought he was “very vanilla” and straight. He also admitted it was stressful at times to hide the truth.

Worst of all, at one point he stated that he had struggled with depression in his past. He is under thirty, so I find that very sad. He did not say that it was from dealing with his sexuality, but it would be my guess. Over all he was verbally down on himself — including unwarranted negativity regarding his looks and his intelligence — and had a great deal of stress in his work life as well. Dealing with his sexuality conflicts did not lighten the load…or perhaps it colored the other areas of his life darkly in the first place.

He shared a dream he had with me, in which he was conflicted about which life to lead… to give in and just commit to a straight relationship or basically continue with what he was doing–duplicity. He was frustrated with the lack of resolution in the dream. I was very disheartened because that meant it was unresolved in reality.

He shared other details that I can’t share here for obvious reasons. But I can say that it seemed to take up quite a bit of his time and resources to live two lives. It makes me sad.

Received 5 August 2013